SOME THOUGHTS

Malaria seems to suck the physical life out of its victims.
However, it provides great opportunities to contemplate upon and choose to enhance the spiritual life!

Funny how even when you take your Malaria pills without missing a dose, it is possible for one to contract the disease. I am embracing every moment in Africa, even while experiencing the chills and hot flashes of the fevers, the aching joints of my body and the swirling headaches which come and go. Truthfully!

I do not enjoy being sick, but God continues to do a work in and through me, and more likely then not - this is His way of slowing me down enough to hear HIs voice a little more clearly. It is not hard for me to get caught up in DOING rather then BEING, and it has been a good last couple of days of illness to get me to slow down and listen, to "be still, and KNOW that He is God."

In the mornings when Brittany and I do some time of Bible reading, prayer and reflection together, we share about the ways we are being stretched, challenged and the ways in which we see ourselves growing. This morning was an extra long session of conversation for us. I found myself sharing with Brittany that I feel as though God has brought me into a new area of life that I have not been before. Previous to this trip I have been flopping around like a live halibut fresh off of longline gear - fipping and flopping around the deck of the boat. In some ways that is what I have been like - flipping to one opportunity and flopping to the next.

I recognize that this in and of itself is not a bad thing. However, I have come to realize more so now then ever, the importance of my life. The importance of your life. The importance of our lives is immeasurable.

It is true that this life is unjust, unfair, and difficult most days to understand. But the beauty in this lies the element available to everone of us called FAITH. By faith we are able to trust that God will always work out good, for His glory, what the enemy ment for harm. By faith we are able to conclude that Jesus has allowed every beautiful and painful, challenging and exciting event in our lives, allowing us the opportunity to grow and develop into more mature individuals, enabling us to live life on deeper, more rich level.

Sometimes I feel as though I have World War One, World War Two, and Vietnam all fighting against themselves within my own head, and this can become quite agonizing. So many thoughts running through my head at one time; ideas, visions, dreams, thoughts... I do not enjoy all of these times of emotional overwhelm, but it does provide me the continuous opportunity to "be still, and KNOW that He is God".

I love the analogy of Peter walking on water towards Jesus... as long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, he was safe upon the water, but as the story reveals, the moment Peter became worried about the storm surrounding him, he began to sink...

The minute I loose sight of Jesus in my life and become concerned with the 'storms' (outside events which are out of my own control) in my life, I begin to sink.

The fact that I am still alive today, remains a mystery to me. In my own mind I believe it to be a miracle. I did not expect to live this long. I believe that God has a very specific reason for the creation of my being, as He does each and every one of us. This trip is clarifying for me in a very real way that I am valuable, that God really can use me in this world to reveal to others the beauty of embracing His love. As I am continuously humbling myself in repentance and asking for and choosing to recieve His GRACE and His MERCY, this reality is becoming clearly more evident to m. Yes, God will use even Rebekah Cushing, a long-time Alaskan fisherman who really has few skills other then chopping bait, baiting hooks and cleaning Halibut, to be an integral part of His divine plan. The more unworthy I feel to be His servant, the more clearly I understand and choose to embrace this concept of grace and mercy. The more I embrace these concepts, the more free I am to live the abundant life that He desires we all live.

All of that said to come back to my original point, God is preparing for me something beautiful. And He says we are to seek, ask, and to knock and the door will be opened, he says he wants to give us the desires of our heart...

As I have been asking, seeking and knocking (trying hard not to plow the door down) and as I have been dreaming big and choosing to not settle for the immediate gratification of things, I am finding God developing within me direction, desire and, could it be? Quite Possibly? that He is delivering to me some of these dreams and desires of my heart? (!)

This blog entry does not flow, I know. Sorry about that - whoever has read this much... But it is the current scenario of the thoughts that consume my days. This entry reveals to you not the activities and experiences (which will have to be an entire series written before I can give you all of these stories) of my days in Africa, but it does reveal what God is doing in me, and the ways in which I am being impacted by the experiences and the journeys I have been on.

Thank you all for your love and support in my life. I am so blessed, because I have people like you who have kept me going during the times I did not think I could. I am so glad I did.