Last night I was humbled.

Earlier in the day, I had bought vegetables at Market and some canned tuna from a little hole in the wall store. I had literally just finished eating a salad I had prepared for myself with the tuna on top, as well as the last of the bread I had bought on the street that afternoon. Feeling as if I ate too much bread, amongst other things, such the m&m's I ate the other day and the oily rice and beans that is served to me daily, I was struggling with my self-image and wondering how I've possibly allow myself to be as, 'lazy,' as I have been in controlling my intake of food as well as output of exercise. Apparently I am putting in more calories then I am expending as my body is changing and clothes are no longer fitting the same.

I was allowing myself to indulge in my own little pity-party as I walked outside the front gates of the house. Outside the front gates is where the neighborhood kids hang out waiting for any of our boys to leave the home to play with them. These neighborhood kids are waiting at the gates between 7 AM - 10 PM. These kids come from families too poor to afford to send them to school, let alone feed them much of anything. (I see them frequently digging through our garbage pile, where we dump out our garbage in a pile on the side of the house, looking for any scraps they can find.) There was a small crowd of about 6 children as I walked out the gate. One young boy from Trinity was behind me, 5 of the 6 children waiting outside of the gate, followed Ralph to go play soccer with him.

The remaining young boy, maybe 12 or 13 years old, leaned nearly motionless curled up in fetal position against a cement wall, next to the gate. 'Como rele?' "What is your name?" I asked. He replied, but his voice was so faint I could not make his name out, even after asking a second time. He then looked up into my eyes and in a shakey, quiet voice, said, "grangou...". "Como?" "What?" I asked. "Hungry." He replied.

Taking a quick mental inventory of what I had in my room for food, I told him to wait there, and that I'd be back soon. I made up a large bowl of oatmeal and raisens and poured full cream canned milk in it. I took it out to him as soon as it was ready and sat with him as he ate. In watching him, I was humbled.

How often it is I take for granted things that so many here not only desperatly desire, but absolutely need for survival. How often it is that my perspective is not correct, how easy it is to be lazy in my thinking, reverting to old ways of thinking, rather then being strong in my mind and recognizing the value of what I have and why.

I have access to food. Not only food in and of itself, but a variety of good/clean food and an abundance of healthy choices (in America.) I have a healthy body, so as long as I allow it to be. So as long as I take care of it. So as long as I love it and cherish it as the Temple of the Holy Spirit that it is. It is easy to want to deprive myself, or beat myself up emotionally or simply believe I am not good enough and punish myself by trying to 'control,' my body. Control the intake of food, control my body fat and muscle mass. Control me, myself and I.

Did you hear that?!

ME, MYSELF, AND I.

How easy it is to get caught up in selfishness, self-centeredness even when it is the furthest thing from my desire. The fears that I associate with food, fat and laziness, have prevented me from being free for so long. And here is a little 12 or 13 year old, too tired due to being malnurished, to get up and go play soccer with the rest of the boys, because he does not have the strength to play.

With every spoonful of oatmeal he put into his mouth, he was constantly looking around, as if he feared someone else may try to steal his food from him. With every bite he took, he inhaled and exhaled a big deep breath. With every sigh he made, my heart was that much more sobbered.

Freedom, as I wrote about in the prior post. In the Bible, in Galations it states that it was for freedom that Christ has set us free, no longer to be subject to the yoke of slavery, and with our freedom we should not be selfish, but love others through the gift of freedom we have because of His love for us. I am free in America, in a lot of ways that people in Haiti are bound, but I am bound in Amaerica in a lot of ways that the people of Haiti are free.

We all have our weaknesses, our demons, our thorn in the side. This I know, is not by accident. How could we recognize our need for Someone more powerful then ourselves who enables us to live a deeper, richer life, more meaningful life through Him, if we had no way of realizing in and of ourselves we are weak. God allows me to struggle with self-image so that I can learn to trust, just as someone else may struggle with gambling, or drugs etc. It's all a matter of perspective. Rather then thinking that our struggle is a bad thing, I believe we ought to rejoice and be thankful, that through our struggles we are made stronger, if we approach them correctly.

It's all a matter of our heart. What truely do we desire, how dedicated are we really to ourselves when it comes to making good, healthy, positive choices for our lives. Seeing others literally dying because they dont have what you deny yourself when you have it in abundance, is a really humbling way to be reminded and to recognize once again, that you are in need of Someone more powerful then yourself to be strong on your behalf.

I continue to ask for lessons throughout my days here. I ask that my eyes be wide-open, that my heart be open and receptive and that I dont let an opportunity pass me by. Most of my lessons are challenging, they reveal to me my selfish ways, the show me how spoiled I am and how I can take things for granted. At the same time I learn how rich I am, how lucky I am to be exactly who I am in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The children of Haiti are hungry. They have little food, many have little love, as there are so many that live on the streets, and spiritually, they have little knowledge.

I am thankful for who I am, where I am and that Christ is my strength, my Savior, just as He is for every Haitian, every Human. The key is that each person be made aware of His love, and unconditional acceptance.